My dog is the only one not invited for Christmas!

Is it fair?

Your Letters, My Replies

Dear Emily,

We always have a can of jellied cranberries at my family gatherings, but 70% of it usually goes straight into the trash.

Is it wasting food to have canned cranberries for Thanksgiving? Or is the tradition of nostalgia important?

Thanks!

Peggy

Dear Peggy,

We should avoid throwing away food—especially if it’s glossy, ruby-red sweet tangy food FIT FOR THE GODS.

I highly recommend this: day-after-Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches on soft white bread with mayo, black pepper, cornbread stuffing, a thin disk of jellied cranberry sauce, and a big crunchy piece of romaine lettuce. You are in for a treat!

Or, instead of canned cranberries, switch it up this year by making savory cranberry chutney, here.

There is a Delaware Indian legend about how the mastodons turned violent, forcing people to kill them off in defense. In the bloody pits where the mastodons were trapped and killed, cranberries grew the next year. “Take this cranberry, eat.” In other words, don’t take cranberries for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Emily

Emily,

I have a subscription service for audio and digital books…but I recently found out that my local library offers a similar service for free. Should I continue my paid subscription in support of authors? Or donate the same amount of money to the library?

Signed,

Book listener

Dear Book listener,

Like you, I sometimes feel the weight of fixing the entire global economy resting on my shoulders. When I cancelled my Amazon Prime, I worried about hurting Jeff Bezos’s feelings. When I leave big tips, it’s because the U.S. minimum wage has been stagnant for so long. When I choose milk in a paper carton rather than a plastic jug, I do so to subtly (very subtly) nudge the American private sector away from unsustainable petroleum-based packaging.

But libraries pay a LOT of money to publishing companies for the audio book access. And many people don’t realize this, but libraries aren’t granted permission to loan out those audiobooks to an unlimited number of borrowers. On the contrary. So don’t worry about Jeff Bezos or the authors or the publishing industry—they are getting paid, even without your $40.

Great idea, yes! Give money to your public library!

Love,

Emily

Hello Emily,

I always get rescue dogs. My family (parents and brothers and sisters) always get purebred dogs. I respect their choice and (kind of) can follow the logic of wanting to know a dog’s history, health prediction, and projected temperament.

But when the family is together with our four or sometimes five dogs, my rescue dogs are blamed for any unidentifiable canine misdoing (i.e, a bite out of a pizza on a low table, a damp spot on the floor, starting the excessive barking).

This year our family dog count is only three…but my rescue pup “Hector” is the only dog specifically NOT invited to stay with the family for Christmas because my mother had her floors redone. Hector is not perfect by any means, but I know he is not the only culprit.

Is there any way to address this situation? I feel like Hector is being misrepresented.

Woof woof,

Dog mommy

Dear Dog mommy,

My dogs are my relatives, truly, so I feel your pain. My dog Bear died this summer and I still feel sadder about his death than I do about just about anything else in the world, unexpectedly.

But I’ve learned that some people just don’t like dogs, or they are extra intolerant of dog misbehavior. Also, many people really hate it when dog owners act spacey and unconcerned about their dog’s misbehavior. It adds insult to their injuries. “She’s not even acknowledging what a yapper he is and how much this is ruining my Christmas!” We can’t teach this type of person to shrug off the yapping and the peeing by seeming to shrug it off ourselves.

Maybe you’ve seemed too nonchalant in the past about Hector’s transgressions. If, as you have done in your letter to me, you have tried to spread the blame to dogs whom they know would never do some of the things Hector does, that might make matters worse. I mean, there are dogs who just would rather die than pee inside. There are dogs who lie quietly by their owner’s side until told to do otherwise. There are dogs who write thank you notes and send gift baskets. Some dogs are perfect houseguests.

As Marshall says, “If you get a whiff that people don’t like your dog, rest assured there is a giant iceberg of dislike hidden beneath the surface, because people are polite.”

But you say you think Hector has been misrepresented, so maybe you should have a nice conversation on the phone with your mom, where you tell her your feelings and also your estimation of Hector’s skills and shortcomings. You could say, “Hector might pee on the floor, but only if he has asked repeatedly to be let out and nobody takes him. So I can make sure he doesn’t pee on your floor. Secondly, yes, he barks a lot, but he’s like my family and I really don’t like leaving him in a kennel. Some people have babies who cry or toddlers who break things or husbands who won’t stop talking. I have a dog who is sometimes naughty. But family is family, and I wish that all the members of my household were welcome home for the holidays. I promise that I will clean up after him, pay for any damages he causes, and do my best to make sure he is not too bothersome.”

Then if she still says no, you’ll at least feel better knowing you represented your client adequately.

If I were you, I wouldn’t press it. I would just leave him behind so that I wouldn’t get twitchy worrying if my dog is bugging someone. If you do leave Hector at a kennel for the holidays, you could quietly mess with the purebred dogs’ reputations at Christmas, with some sabotage:

1) frequently start some excessive barking (from under your breath or from another room, so that none of your relatives realize you are the one who caused all the dogs to start barking their heads off)

2) show the tallest dogs where the turkey is being kept right before dinner

3) blow a dog whistle to instigate unexplained bursts of activity

Remember, your family loves YOU, even if they don’t love your dog.

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas full of love,

Emily

The purebred dogs were all barking their heads off.